Area ‘Pro-Lifer’ Totally Cool with 8 Upcoming Executions in Arkansas

PROVIDENCE, R.I.–Taking a break from relentlessly posting about overturning Roe v. Wade, self-described “pro-life warrior” Tom Redding let it slip that he’s “totally cool” with Arkansas’ decision to execute 8 death row inmates in the near future.

“Listen, Christ didn’t love everyone equally so that his message could be applied consistently by his followers; he did it so I could pervert his message of tolerance into a narrow obsession with abortion,” Redding said, standing in front of a bulletin board featuring an ultrasound image surrounded by random newspaper headlines connected by red yarn.

When asked whether he’d be willing to devote as much time to saving the lives of those up for the execution in Arkansas as he does railing against abortion, Redding replied by saying, “listen, I have priorities.”

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