WASHINGTON D.C.–The United States Department of Treasury has admitted it held a cage match to determine whether abolitionist Harriet Tubman would replace former U.S. President Andrew Jackson on the 20 dollar bill. U.S. Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew confirmed to LOL RI that the match took place at 12 pm on Monday in the basement of the […]Read more "Feds: Secret Posthumous Cage Match Determined 20 Dollar Bill Change"
PROVIDENCE, R.I.–The entire staff of Joe’s American Bar & Grill has been committed to a series of mental hospitals, after working through one-too-many nearby Waterfire events. The restaurant’s location in the Providence Place Mall made Joe’s a magnet for many WaterFire attendees. The restaurant became so busy during the seasonal festivities, countless workers were sent to mental health facilities across the region. […]Read more "Joe’s Closing: WaterFire Sent Entire Staff to Mental Hospitals"
CRANSTON, R.I.–A mid-sized Rhode Island firm is making news this week, as it scours the state for the ideal person to fill the newly created position of Resentment Dumpster. Dead End Concepts Inc. made the opening public Tuesday and hopes to have the position filled within two weeks of interviewing applicants. The entry level […]Read more "JOB OPENING: Boss Hiring Someone to Resent"
PROVIDENCE, R.I.— After a recent layoff, area dick and pseudo intellectual Paul McDowell exchanged his usually cocky persona for a more humble one, leaving friends blown away by his temporary bout with inclusivity. With bad news in hand, the 27-year-old public relations writer began immediately acting as someone capable of empathy and devoid of judgement, so as to prepare for […]Read more "Out of Work: Area Dick Temporarily Becomes Nice Guy"
WICKFORD, R.I.— When Cathy Lawrence learned of the Providence Phoenix’s abrupt closing, she, like so many other Rhode Islanders, was surprised. The owner of a popular café, the 52-year-old’s long-held family business received the alternative weekly in its vestibule for decades. Now, with the paper no more, Lawrence is finally doing what’s eluded her for 36 years: […]Read more "With Phoenix No More, Doorways Stage a Comeback"
PROVIDENCE, R.I.–Travel+Leisure Magazine has retracted its naming of Providence, Rhode Island as America’s top favorite city. In a statement to LOL RI, the publication credited a looming deadline and unnatural levels of alcohol consumption at an office party for Providence’s appearance at the number one spot. “On behalf of our entire writing and editorial staff, we […]Read more "Travel+Leisure Magazine to Providence: We Were Drunk"
WARWICK, R.I. — Once again, Rhode Island finds itself in the stencils of national controversy. After Monday’s Supreme Court ruling determined Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc. religiously exempt from including contraceptives in its health coverage, the company’s Warwick location announced it will offer workers a “Crafty Birth Control Kit.” The Warwick location’s manager, Richard Celeste, spoke with LOL RI about what he […]Read more "RI Hobby Lobby to Sell ‘Crafty Birth Control Kit’"