Obama to Rhode Island: I’ve Got Real Problems, Okay?

WASHINGTON, D.C.— An annoyed President Obama refuted allegations from Rhode Islanders that he “ignored America’s most influential state” by cancelling an event at Rhode Island College (RIC) on Thursday. Obama was scheduled to appear on RIC’s campus and read “Goodnight Moon” to 1,000 of its students, pausing slowly to share the illustrations before the would-be audience. Defusing the […]

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BREAKING: Rhode Islanders Cure ALS with Roster of Ice-Downed Nobodies

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Move over, Bill Gates and Britney Spears. Thanks to the efforts of countless no-name Rhode Islanders dumping buckets of ice water over their heads on social media, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) announced Tuesday a cure for Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). Background In recent months, the social media hashtag #ALSicebucketchallenge has seen a wave of high profile celebrities […]

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South County Teen Wants You to Know She ‘Literally Loves’ Kale

NARRAGANSETT, R.I.— A South County teen sent shockwaves through her community Sunday, when she casually informed her circle of high school friends how much she “literally loves kale.” 17-year-old Hannah Radcliffe of Narragansett dropped the dietary bombshell at the home of classmate Juliana Gilmore. According to eyewitnesses, Radcliffe herself introduced the topic, during a routine query by […]

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RI Hobby Lobby to Sell ‘Crafty Birth Control Kit’

WARWICK, R.I. — Once again, Rhode Island finds itself in the stencils of national controversy. After Monday’s Supreme Court ruling determined Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc. religiously exempt from including contraceptives in its health coverage, the company’s Warwick location announced it will offer workers a “Crafty Birth Control Kit.” The Warwick location’s manager, Richard Celeste, spoke with LOL RI about what he […]

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