Squirrel Responsible for Power Outage Radicalized in Syria

PROVIDENCE, R.I.— The squirrel responsible for Tuesday morning’s power outage in downtown Providence worked with anti-American groups in Syria, Rhode Island counter terrorism officials are claiming. LOL RI contacted representatives from the Department of Emergency Management and statewide law enforcement agencies, all of which confirmed that the furry park-dweller had traveled to Syria to train […]

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Police in East Bay Searching for ‘Cantaloupe Farter’

BARRINGTON, R.I.— Police in various municipalities across the East Bay are on the hunt for a man deemed the “Cantaloupe Farter.” The suspect’s given nickname provides a straightforward window into his crimes. According to authorities, the man enters local grocery stores, only to flatulate on ripened cantaloupes and other brunch related fruits. Eyewitness reports specifically claim the man casually enters various […]

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