WASHINGTON D.C.–The United States Department of Treasury has admitted it held a cage match to determine whether abolitionist Harriet Tubman would replace former U.S. President Andrew Jackson on the 20 dollar bill. U.S. Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew confirmed to LOL RI that the match took place at 12 pm on Monday in the basement of the […]Read more "Feds: Secret Posthumous Cage Match Determined 20 Dollar Bill Change"
WARWICK, R.I.–Hoping to recast himself as a serious contender for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination, former Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee declared a ‘War on Bedtime Monsters’ Monday afternoon. The Rhode Island political fixture participated in last week’s Democratic Primary debate, holding a baby’s bottle in one hand and plastic teething rings in the […]Read more "Chafee Declares ‘War on Bedtime Monsters’"
Providence, R.I.— In her victory speech from the Biltmore Hotel, Governor-Elect Gina Raimondo (D) promised supporters she would do everything in her power to “rescue the name Gina from the stereotypes that have held us back for decades.” “For too long, people have associated the name Gina with huge hair, acrylic nails, and chewing gum while talking through a […]Read more "In Victory Speech, Raimondo Vows to Save the Name Gina"
CRANSTON, R.I.— “There’s something about the wilderness at night that turns men into animals.” Republican Candidate for Rhode Island Governor Allan Fung peers out a window on his campaign bus, recalling a horrifying week-long wilderness retreat with Arizona Senator John McCain, during which Mr. Fung became “sure [he] would die.” Fung attended the wilderness retreat […]Read more "PHOTOS: Fung Survives Camping With McCain"
PROVIDENCE, R.I.— After cancelling a speaking engagement in Rhode Island to focus on containing Ebola, President Barack Obama kept his word and returned to Rhode Island on Halloween. Arriving at Rhode Island College early Froday morning, Obama congratulated Rhode Islanders on their good behavior–a condition he tied to his return. “You guys did such a good […]Read more "Obama Keeps Promise to Rhode Island"
PROVIDENCE, R.I.— Possessing a wooden spoon and a look that said “don’t make me come over there,” NBC 10’s Bill Rappleye moderated the final mayoral debate between those seeking the capital city’s highest office. Similar to a father who sprang out of his recliner to lay the law down, Rappleye did not take kindly to […]Read more "Rappleye Moderates Debate as Dad Who’s Only Gonna Tell You Once"